Alright. Well, here's my blog. I've officially done everything I need to do in life.

This is going to be the "disclaimer" post. I'll do my best to outline for you the tone of this baby blog.

First, let's start with me.

This will probably be the only post showing a hint of human emotion, I keep them guarded as they are in short supply.

I am also a heavy user of sarcasm font, if you feel offended or that you should feel offended but are laughing to hard to be offended, assume it is written in sarcasm font.

This blog may be updated daily or may go untouched for weeks. I may not even touch it after this post. I'm guessing it will be a cycle.

I have a fucking goddamn pottymouth and often swear, this is something you will have to live with or leave. I'm not forcing you to read this.

I love everyone, except some people, and you know who you are.

I work at Target (hopefully) and my heart fucking beats red and khaki. Expect many references to this.

I love coffee, namely Starbucks. If you haven't guessed.

I also own a cow costume, it's taken on a life of its own.

Now let's move onto you.

You need to read this blog.

You need to comment on the posts.

Also, Tom wants you to know that he loves penis vagina.